Ethics class? Really?

I was so surprised to realize that my most life-giving thing from this past week was my Environmental Ethics class yesterday. This class has probably been the greatest source of academic frustration this semester with all of the reading and writing we have to do. Not to mention the 71% I got on the first exam. But yesterday was a different story. We got our second exams back, and I did significantly better than last time. Actually, our entire class did much better. And he even said that some of the essays we turned in for this test were some of the best essays he has read during his entire time teaching at Messiah. What a turnaround! My ethics professor also told us yesterday that he is giving us an extension on our research papers. We've known about this paper since the first day of class, and our syllabus says that it is due this coming Friday. As of this past Friday, I hadn't chosen a topic. Slight panic, yet moderately manageable. The panic has subsided as this paper is now due the Monday AFTER Thanksgiving break. *huge sigh of relief*

I would have to say that the most life-taking thing from this past week has been coming to the realization that this year is completely different for me in terms of my role as a Resident Assistant on campus. Last year I hardly dealt with anything at all. This year has been a different story. Not only am I dealing with more issues, but the severity and depth of these issues is vastly greater. I would never have imagined that I would be facing these situations on my floor or on my campus. My eyes are continually opened to the interconnectedness of everyone in this community. With each new situation I encounter, I remember that our decisions impact the lives of those around us. And it makes me wonder, what can I do to help people make better decisions?

A Little Reflection

It's been a while since I've posted, mostly because I barely have the time to do what needs to be done for the next day. But here I've found a spare moment. And I've been able to notice different things over the past couple weeks about what has been giving me life and taking it away.

One thing that definitely drained me a few weeks ago was dealing with another person's poor choices and bad decisions. Often we think that we are the only ones who deal with the consequences of our actions, but that is not so. I got sucked in. My heart was burdened. I don't even know this person's name, but I carried the weight of the poor choices and the gravity of the situation with me. But often, what takes life away leads to something that gives me life. Though I felt burdened, others spoke words of affirmation into my life, reminding me that my choice to get involved, to get sucked into the drama of the situation, had tremendous positive effects. Just as others may deal with the negative consequences of our actions, others may be tremendously impacted in a positive way because of seemingly inconsequential choices.

Lately, I feel like school has been taking life away from me. Becoming overwhelmed, not knowing if everything will be finished, the feeling that I'm running out of time - it frustrates and discourages me. I've reached a point where I'm ready to graduate. But it's not even in a positive sense, that I feel prepared to go out into the world and discover something new. It's more the feeling of I don't want to do this anymore. The homework, the tests - I'm ready for it to be over. This semester has been so crazy with non-stop work. As I prepare to register for my final semester of classes, I begin to think that maybe I'm not ready to graduate - I'm just ready for something new. I'm ready for this semester to be over. But still, I'm stuck in this place where I'm just trying to survive. There's no desire to thrive in my classes and learn something new. I'm just trying to get by. So pray that as the semester comes to a close, I would find the motivation to finish strong and to have a positive attitude about school.

I think what has become life-giving about this life-taking situation has been the opportunities to spend time with friends and share my frustration. Recently I was able to have dinner with a friend who has been somewhat absent for much of the semester. It was great to catch up with him and hear how things are going in his life, to hear his own concerns and try to speak words of encouragement into his life. And this past weekend, I went on a retreat with my staff. We spent the time with each other, not only having fun and getting to know each other a bit better, but also sharing the concerns on our hearts and seeking prayer for the things that burden us each day. It was comforting to experience the trust and support that we have in one another. It was really encouraging to know that we have many months ahead of us to become even closer than we already have become.

A Weekend of Balance

This weekend was by far the most life-giving event of the past week, and it was infinitely better than last weekend. Somehow I was able to get a lot accomplished and found myself being very productive. I wrote a paper for art history, finished my journal for Environmental Ethics, prepared my presentation for ethics, and finished my art project - all before Monday morning. This is such an accomplishment, because the last time I wrote a paper for art history, I had to get up early the day it was due so I could research AND write the paper in the library before turning it in at 10 am. Anyway, I feel like I got a lot accomplished this weekend, which is a relief considering I had been so concerned about finishing everything. Despite all of the homework, I also found time to relax and hang out with friends. It's been a long time since I've done that. Friday night the SRAs went to the Beachy's for dinner, which was so enjoyable. It was great to sit back with friends and enjoy a home-cooked meal. As much as I love Messiah, sometimes it's great to just get off campus for a while. When we returned to campus, we hung out in one of the RDs' apartments watching movies, telling stories, and laughing with friends. It was the first time in a while that I was up past midnight for reasons other than homework. I've missed that feeling. Of course Saturday night was pretty amazing, too, because of the Art*Music*Justice Tour concert. Sunday night was spent finishing up some homework before getting some ice cream. I had the intentions of wandering around South Complex visiting people, but I got stuck at Ashley's apartment. Ashley, the RD of Mountain View, was hanging out with her staff, and I joined them for a game of Scattegories. After most of her RAs left, I ended up sticking around and talking with her for a bit about this year. It was a great conversation, as conversations with the South Side RDs usually are. Side note: I'm so glad Ashley is back at Messiah. She is a great addition to Residence Life, and sometimes it's kinda weird to think we were both at Messiah as students for one year. Anyway, overall I had a very life-giving weekend :)

As life-giving as the concert was, I would have to say that the most life-taking thing was the feeling of conviction that I left the concert with. I hear of all these problems, of all the injustice, and I just think: what am I doing with my life? Why am I not doing anything to fight this injustice? I remember Dr. Seibert's sermon: how can I call myself a Christian if I see the needs but do nothing to help?

A Weekend of Justice

Here are some notes from Dr. Eric Seibert's sermon, "An Invitation to Do Justice", given at the Grantham Church this past Sunday. He preached on Luke 16:19-31, the story of the rich ruler and Lazarus.

The Bible is insistent that people of faith are called to do justice.

We have a biblical mandate to care for the poor and needy.

There will always be poor people in the land. Therefore I command you to be openhanded toward your brothers and toward the poor and needy in your land.
- Deuteronomy 15:11

A generous man will himself be blessed,
for he shares his food with the poor.
- Proverbs 22:9

If a man shuts his ears to the cry of the poor,
he too will cry out and not be answered.
- Proverbs 21:13

Sodom was destroyed, not for their sexual immorality, but for ignoring the needs of the poor.

Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy.
- Ezekiel 16:49

How can you call yourself a Christian if you see the needs but do nothing to help?

We have committed a sin of indifference.

To half of the world's population, I AM the rich man.

Being in the Image of God

For some reason, I have been hearing a LOT this semester about being created in the image of God. In my art seminar class, we discussed the difference between art and image, and what was more important in the Bible. We are the only ones of God's creatures to be created in His image, but what does that mean? For some, it means that we also have the capacity to create. Or the capacity to be in relationship with God. Or the capacity for morality. Or the capacity to choose. Or the responsibility to God's creation as stewards.

The last one was the focus for several days in my Environmental Ethics class. What does it mean to be created in the image of God? In ancient civilizations, images were the representations of the gods. We are the representation of God on earth. As God's image bearer's we are given the responsibility to care for creation. We are commanded to cultivate and keep, which can be translated as "serve and protect". We have a responsibility to care for creation. But something we also learned in Environmental Ethics is that creation does not mean just the land. Rather, creation is all that God created, including humanity. We are not separate from the earth around us, but rather we are part of it and made of the same material.

We have a responsibility to care for creation. And as we are part of creation, we also have the responsibility to care for humanity. This idea became so clear tonight at the Art*Music*Justice tour concert, where Charlie Peacock spoke briefly on Genesis 1 and being created in the image of God. AMJT featured the artists Sara Groves, Brandon Heath, Derek Webb, and Sandra McCracken in addition to Charlie Peacock. AMJT was in association with International Justice Mission and Food for the Hungry. Tonight was all about justice and everything we can do to care for humanity. IJM works around the world to save families from slavery, to free little children from trafficking and sexual exploitation. Tonight we heard the stories of little girls who are rescued from brothels and the fears they continue to live with. But we also heard of the tremendous hope we have for the future because of all that we can do in the name of God.

As bearers of God's image, we were given the responsibility to cultivate and keep creation. Tonight, I was reminded that we were given the responsibility to serve and protect humanity, our brothers and sisters who were also created in the image of God.

He gives justice to the oppressed and food to the hungry.
The Lord frees the prisoners.
- Psalm 146:7, NLT

Finding the Good in the Bad

This past weekend was absolutely the most life-taking experience from this past week. It wasn't life-taking in the sense that I felt discouraged or particularly heavy-hearted. But in the literal sense, that afterward, I felt life draining from me. I was on duty on both Friday and Saturday nights, which meant that I had to stay in my room. I invited the girls on my floor and my staff to join me for a movie, but everyone was busy doing things for Family Weekend. So I sat. And did homework. In my room. By myself. From 7 pm to midnight, Friday AND Saturday. By 9pm on Saturday, I began to realize just how much of an extrovert I am. As someone who gets energy from being with other people, I was left without anyone to give me energy. By 9:30 on Saturday, I began wishing that it were midnight already. I was physically tired and wanting to sleep, but I was also tired of waiting to see if someone would come to visit me. What a relief when the clock struck 12.

This life-taking experience allowed me to have my most life-giving experience, though. I spoke with one of my art professors one afternoon about my weekend, mentioning how my extrovertedness became quite evident. He seemed surprised that I was an extrovert, not for the same reason my communications professor was surprised, but because he has the tendency to think of artists as introverts. There's a stereotypical image of the lonesome artist, brooding in some corner and working happily in solitude. But as is the case with stereotypes, it doesn't apply to all people. My professor mentioned a book called "Born Under Saturn", in which the author explores the concept of the "artist personality", but in the end concludes that there is no single personality shared by all artists. It was through this conversation with my professor that I started to wonder, perhaps I should also explore this concept for my senior show... I have thought for a few weeks that I wanted to explore the stereotype that artists are bad at math and somehow prove through my art that I am not. But now I realize there are so many more stereotypes about artists that are constantly broken, especially by the artists at Messiah. I have so many ideas running through my mind and for the first time this year, I feel like I have a sense of direction for senior show. I'm still trying to come up with more ideas and create an image in my mind of what I want this to look like, but I have quite some time for things to make sense. What stereotypes about artists can you think of?

Spiritual Discipline

Examen is an approach to grow in self-understanding and in openness to Gods love and God's self-direction for your life. Specifically, Examen helps us get in touch with our feelings and reactions to daily experience and identify what gives us joy and what brings us sorrow. Experiences that seem small and insignificant at the time take on greater meaning when we recognize they are part of a larger pattern.

History

St. Ignatius of Loyola was born in 1491 in northern Spain. He was the youngest of 13 children. As a young man, he served as a Page of the Treasurer of the castle, and loved wine, women and song! He was reported to be addicted to gambling and was described as contentious.

At the age of 30, Ignatius was wounded in battle defending Spain against France. During his long recuperation, he read about the life of Christ. He was drawn to Him and the profound effect Christ had on His followers. At the same time he was drawn to a noble lady he loved, and to fame and glory. As he reflected, he found that his daydreams of the woman resulted in feelings of restlessness while his reflections on Christ brought peace. This marked the beginning of his conversion. It also marked the beginning of his profound teaching on developing spiritual discernment through the examination of emotions, feelings and thoughts. Ignatius taught that the work of the spirit is revealed not just through the intellect. God is found in everything including our emotions and feelings.

- The Daily Examen

Examen is a spiritual discipline that my staff is practicing this year. When we get together each Tuesday, we reflect on the past week and ask two questions. 1 - What was the most life-giving thing? 2 - What was the most life-taking thing? And by practicing Examen, we begin to notice trends of what gives us life and what takes it away. We begin to notice where we see God. So since this blog is about where I see God in my life, I'm going to start sharing my weekly Examen reflections. Feel free to help me see God through my reflections, or share where you are seeing God in your own lives.

This past week, talking with people who showed genuine care for and interest in me was the most life-giving. I felt supported and validated in knowing that they were listening to me with true concern. I received words of encouragement that blessed me with positivity and the motivation to keep going.

The most life-taking thing has been the feeling of discouragement about relationships and communication. It always feels great to be accepted into a group that you didn't expect to be accepted by. But I have been feeling discouraged when I have to work so hard to feel like a true part of a group I expected to naturally click with. And I'm not really sure how to address these concerns in order to bring about change in this situation.