Circumstances & Glee Episode 9: Wheels

The other night while driving through my neighborhood, I saw an old man, perhaps in his late 60s, getting into his car. He drove a dark green sedan, and on the roof of the car was a dimly lit "Papa John's" sign. My first feeling was sadness as I wondered why this man had to deliver pizzas. Perhaps he was just laid off by the company he dedicated many years to, and in this rough economic period, pizza delivery was the only choice. Or perhaps he had retired last year only to discover that his pension is not enough to sustain him and his family. But then I realized, how can I make assumptions about this man's circumstances? And who am I to pass judgment on the pizza delivery job as a "last resort" opportunity? I have no idea what this man's story is, whether he drives that green sedan for extra income or for his own desire to spend his free time anywhere but in front of the TV.

People have their own stories, their reasons for what they do and who they are. There's probably a reason why this one woman I know has been divorced at least twice, why that one boy at school always wears a super-long scarf, or why that beautiful girl everyone is jealous of thinks so poorly of herself. And from last week's episode of Glee, we see that there is a reason why Tina stutters and why Sue would accept a girl with Down's Syndrome onto the Cheerios (and perhaps a glimpse at why Sue is so negative and emotionally destructive).

Sure, things make a lot of sense when you hear the whole story, and that makes me curious about the big picture. But the bigger question here: should you treat others differently once you see the big picture? We might pity the boy with the scarf rather than consider him odd when the scarf transforms from a symbol of eccentricity to a memento of a lost loved one. Or maybe we deny Papa John compassion upon the discovery that his delivery job is an excuse to get out of the house and away from the family. Or we go from hating Glee villain Sue Sylvester to feeling sympathetic toward her. I guess what I'm really asking is this: If we loved others as we were called to love, why should circumstances change the way we view and treat other people?

*Sorry for not including quotes, as I normally do with my Glee posts. Having a job and being in the real world makes it harder to watch each episode at least twice, like I used to do.

Pay Day

"I guess this is your official welcome," said the VP of my office, as she handed me my very first paycheck of my first post-graduate, "real world", putting-the-degree-to-use JOB. For three weeks I have been going into that office and working on different projects, but tearing off those perforated edges seemed to make everything a bit more real. It kind of hit me this morning as I got out of my car and headed into the office: I'm going to work. I'm not going to class or just visiting this place. I am going into this building, as I do every Monday through Friday, to work. Every weekday, I go into an office where my time is worth something (right now, it's not worth that much, and even less after taxes). And every two weeks, the company shows me how much they value my time (and every month, I show my landlord how much I value having a place to live).

So far, everything has been going well. I'm currently juggling a couple projects, and my boss is impressed with how much progress I have made on them. It will be a great moment to receive my projects back from the printer and hold my work in my hands. As I have been working on these projects, I have come to appreciate my graphics professor's "client-based" approach to teaching and grading our work. I turn in version after version and receive revision after revision, until at last, the client (my boss) is pleased with what she sees. Though sometimes I don't understand why she wants what she wants, I am able to disassociate myself from the work. When an idea is shot down, I don't have to go down with it. As my co-worker told me during my first days at the office, "If she changes everything you did, don't take it personally." My co-workers are really great and make working a lot of fun. Today, the art department had a Pixie Stix eating contest, which ended up being more of a joke than a competition. At least once a day, I hear, "That reminds me of this one movie..." or "Who was that guy who was in...". Lunch consists of half an hour of Sports Center or cheesy sci-fi movies, and when the opportunity arises, practical jokes are sure to happen.

Lessons from the Ballroom

I've been wanting to get back to dancing for a while now, and tonight I started a 4-week ballroom crash course. We learned the foundational rules of ballroom and the basic steps of the waltz. Next week, we tackle the foxtrot. Reverence Studios, where I'm going, is a Christian studio, meaning we begin class with prayer and the teachers are currently working on a production based on the parables and message of Jesus. Our teacher, Sarah, prayed that we would see the parallels between dance and our relationship with God. The similarities were everywhere!

One that stuck out to me was when Sarah talked about leading. We tend to focus on where we want to go and head in that direction, but we need to wait for the Man's cue to tell us where to go. He may want us to go right and lead us in that direction, but if we are so intent on going left, we are only going to trip. It is also the Man's responsibility to lead His partner is the right direction, to move His partner forward and keep an eye out for obstacles.

Also in ballroom dancing, you have to engage all of your muscles the entire time. If your arms get tired, you can't just give up and collapse onto your partner, expecting Him to dance for you. However, the Man is dancing with you the entire time and maintains a strong frame to support His partner. The beauty of the waltz is in the partnership. It's all about the two people moving as one unit and the inability of the audience to distinguish the dancer from the Partner.

From the Wisdom of Oswald Chambers

Lately I have been reading from Oswald Chambers' "My Utmost for His Highest." This week has offered a lot of great thoughts and verses to motivate and inspire. Though Oswald Chambers died in 1917, his words carry an air of relevancy in the 21st century.

From "The Key to the Missionary's Devotion":
"Our Lord told us how our love for Him is to exhibit itself when He asked, 'Do you love me?' (John 21:17). And then He said, 'Feed My sheep.' In effect, He said, 'Identify yourself with My interests in other people,' not, 'Identify Me with your interests in other people.' ... The key to the missionary's devotion is that he is attached to nothing and to no one except our Lord Himself. It does not mean simply being detached from the external things surrounding us. Our Lord was amazingly in touch with the ordinary things of life, but He had an inner detachment except toward God."

From "The Unheeded Secret":
"In our Lord's life there was none of the pressure and the rushing of tremendous activity that we regard so highly today, and a disciple is to be like His Master. The central point of the kingdom of Jesus Christ is a personal relationship with Him, not public usefulness to others. ... You have no idea of where or how God is going to engineer your future circumstances, and no knowledge of what stress and strain is going to be placed on you either at home or abroad. And if you waste your time in overactivity, instead of being immersed in the great fundamental truths of God's redemption, then you will snap when the stress and strain do come."

From "Is God's Will My Will?":
"Sanctification is not a question of whether God is willing to sanctify me - is it my will? Am I willing to let god do in me everything that has been made possible through the atonement of the Cross of Christ? Am I willing to let Jesus become sanctification to me, and to let His life be exhibited in my human flesh?"

From "Impulsiveness or Discipleship?":
"Discipleship is built entirely on the supernatural grace of God. Walking on water is easy to someone with impulsive boldness, but walking on dry land as a disciple of Jesus Christ is something altogether different."

Glee Episode #8: Mash-up

Word of the Day: Popularity. In "Mash-Up", Finn and Quinn struggle with popularity, trying to figure out how to regain social status and whether or not it really matters. Or rather, trying to figure out what matters. This week, I'm changing things a bit in my blog. There were too many good quotes to comment only on the popularity-related ones.

"My weave!" - Mercedes
I laugh out loud every time I hear this line. Part of it is the delivery. The other part is my new understanding of Black hair thanks to Chris Rock promoting Good Hair on Oprah.

"Now that you've joined Lullaby Lees and sperminated the queen of the Chastity Ball and dropped below us hockey dudes on the food chain, it's open season." - Karovsky
It's interesting how people think that having sex makes you cool. At the same time, though, teen pregnancy - one consequence of having sex in high school, can cripple a couple's social status. And now that Finn and Quinn have lost status in the eyes of their peers, the hockey dudes finally find themselves as predators in the food chain. I like to think that there is something good in humanity that allows us to empathize with our fellow prey, but Karovsky proves that is not always true.

Emma: Yes, and Ken has convinced me that we need to at least be in the same room when the marriage is certified.
Ken: What can I say, I'm a traditionalist.
No Ken, you're just normal and the only person in the relationship who actually wants to get married.

"This is a disaster. Our reputation as McKinley High's 'it' couple is in serious jeopardy if we don't find some way to be cool again, Finn." - Quinn
The head cheerleader/football star combination is always the 'it' couple in high school. At my school, there was Craig and Ashleigh. I wasn't friends with them or part of their crowd, so I don't know how hard they tried to maintain their status. I don't know if they felt their popularity was ever threatened. I do know that considering social status as most important turns something small like a slushee facial into a major disaster.

"There's an important lesson to be learned with mash-ups. Sometimes things are so different they don't feel like they go together. But the big difference between them is what makes them great. Like chocolate and bacon." - Will
I enjoy a good mash-up, not just musically but also metaphorically. It's like life, the way things come together and result in unexpected greatness. But I'm hesitant about chocolate and bacon. I'm tempted to try it and experience the big difference that makes it great.

"Status is like currency. When your bank account is full, you can get away with doing just about anything." - Quinn
Money is currency. And when your bank account is full, you can get away with a lot then, too. Just ask all the celebrities who face no consequences for their offenses.

Finn: Totally! It's like you can't see their eyes, so they have all the power. I could be looking at your boobs and you'd have no idea.
Emma: Um, no - kids, look. The most important thing is that you be yourselves. Ok? So if people don't like you for that, I'm sorry but who needs them?
1. It kinda creeps me out when I can't see someone's eyes through their sunglasses. And I am not surprised that Finn would take advantage of that and look at someone's boobs.
2. Why is it so hard for people to be themselves? Is it the fear of rejection and judgment? I say that if people don't like you for yourself, you don't need their judgment. You don't need to go out of your way to be what they want. But it doesn't mean you don't need them as a person since everyone has something to offer, and it doesn't mean you should refuse to accept them for who they are.

"She didn't wear it to her dance rehearsals, and the night of the wedding her husband kept stepping on the train. It was really bad. The fight was epic. The priest cried. They were divorced three months later. Actually, maybe I shouldn't wear it." - Emma
I guess Emma is hoping a bad dance will be her ticket out.

"I know. It's whack. But I also remember what my history teacher told us last semester. Only Nixon can go to China. I have no idea what she meant, but it reminded me of when my family ordered Chinese food and sat down together for our traditional Simchas Torah screening of Schindler's List." - Puck
I missed the first half of this quote during the original broadcast of the episode because I was squealing too loudly and jumping up and down.

Puck: Are you questioning my badassness? Have you seen my guns?
Rachel: No. I'm sorry, but - your arms are lovely. But I just don't see us working out.
Yes, his arms are lovely. And I will justify my crush on Puck with the fact that the actor, Mark Salling, is really 27. It's like how everyone roots for Josie and Mr. Coulson to get together when they watch Never Been Kissed. It's creepy that the teacher is flirting with a student who is supposed to be 17, but we think it's okay because (dramatic irony!) we know she's really 25.

"There's nothing wrong with wanting to be popular. It just means you want people to like you. I think that's healthy." - Finn
I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting friends. Friendship is healthy; changing who you are in order to form many surface-level relationships is not. There's a difference between wanting to be liked and denying your true self to achieve that. There are people who are truly popular, who always act like themselves and have many friends. Those are the people who make me jealous. Not the stereotypical "cool" people whose friendships people use to climb the social ladder.

I hear people say, 'That's not how I define marriage.' Well to them I say, 'Love knows no bounds.' Why can't people marry dogs? I'm certainly not advocating intimacy with your pets. I for one think intimacy has no place in a marriage. I walked in on my parents once, and it was like seeing two walruses wrestling. So 'Woof!' on Prop 15, Ohio. And that's how Sue "C's" it." - Sue
I find this more amusing than I should, probably because I just watched Jane Lynch in Best in Show, about dog competitions. And I'm about to finish my first week working for a company that produces dog grooming expos and magazines for dog groomers.

"Your commitment to football is about as long as your pants." - Will
I was just thinking about Ken's short shorts. Isn't it supposed to be cold in Ohio?

"You and I and the whole world knows that I am just a consolation prize. How do you think that makes me feel? ... Emma is settling for me, and I love her so much I don't care. But it doesn't mean I appreciate you coming with your Gene Kelly charm and getting high off of her fawning over you." - Ken
I feel such sympathy, and sometimes empathy, for Ken. He's really a good guy, so why doesn't Emma see that?

Puck: No one deserves this feeling. You know what the worst part is? It's not the burning in your eyes or the way the slushee drips all the way into your underpants. It's the humiliation. I feel like I could burst into tears at any moment. Rachel, I'm sorry, but today when the clock strikes 3:30...
Rachel: You're choosing football over glee, which means we probably can't be together anymore.
Puck: Yes. Damn, I feel like such a bad Jew.
This scene (the whole episode, really) continued to melt my heart for Mr. Noah Puckerman. The sensitivity, the understanding, the vulnerability... *swoon* But my favorite part was at the end when he whipped a yarmulke out of his pocket.

Rachel: Are you sure about this, Noah? I mean, choosing us over the team means you might get a slushie in your face every day.
Puck: Bring it.
Artie: Where's Finn?
Oh, Noah Puckerman. Such bravery and maturity in risking the humiliation that makes him want to cry. And Artie. The delivery of his line was subtly brilliant. It carried the perfect amount of sadness and naivete, like a kid eating steak, wondering where his pet Bessie could be.

Finn: If I don't do it, the guys on the team are going to kick the crap out of me.
Kurt: Well we can't have that, can we?
Finn: What are you doing?
Kurt: It's called taking one for the team. Now get out of here! And take some time to think whether or not any of your friends on the football team would have done that for you... Someone get me to a day spa, stat!
Kurt, this is why everyone loves you. Such a good lesson about friendship.

Rod: You didn't think that we were exclusive, did you?
Sue: That's the only way I do it, Rod.
For some reason, I wouldn't expect this of Sue. But I suppose if Sue wants something, she has to be the only one who gets it.

Will: These are the moments, Finn. The crossroads. The ones you look back on when you get old and think, 'What if'.
Finn: I don't buy that. I don't think any one decision makes your life. Unless you accidentally invent some kind of zombie virus or something.
Will: No, you're right. Life's a series of choices. A combination of moments. Little ones that add up to big ones that create who you are.
In high school, I used to put too much emphasis on the weight my decisions had on my future. I stressed out about choosing classes and whether or not I could get a job if I took art in 9th grade instead of Spanish. But every moment is a part of who you are, whether it's something life-changing or mundane. Unfortunately, I missed the poignancy of this scene when watching it on TV, because we were viewing it on a standard definition screen. On the wide shots, both Will and Finn were off the screen. We could hear the voices but could only see the goal post.

"If it is one minute late, I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat, and then on some dark cold night I will steal away into your home and punch you in the face." - Sue
EPIC.

Will: I just can't get those two songs to go together.
Emma: Yeah, it's because they don't. We both know that. They're both good songs, though.
Will: Great ones.
If Emma could only see the value of the "Thong Song", then maybe they could make it work! Try harder to make it work, Will.

Rachel: They're delicious.
Kurt: And filled with empty calories. You know why they're called slushees, don't you? Because your butt looks like one if you have too many of them.
You are what you eat, I suppose.

"You've never been hit by a slushee before, Mr. Schue?" - Artie
The best part about this line is the way Artie slowly rolls his wheelchair toward Will as he speaks.

Glee Episode #7: Throwdown

Word of the Day: Power. It's amazing what people will do to gain or regain power and how some people are naturally powerful. It is also interesting to see what people do with the power they have, whether they use it for good or "evil". Do they become a super hero or a super villain? I also enjoyed this episode's look at the minority group in the midst of the power struggle over glee club.

"It sucks. You get all the stress and the worry, and none of the control." - Finn
I suppose depending on your beliefs about the world, all of life is like this. In the grand scheme of things, we have very little or no control over what happens. The only thing we really have control over is ourselves and the decisions we make. We can choose to react to the world without the stress and the worry, even though everything else is out of our hands.

"Santana. Wheels. Gay kid. C'mon, move it! Asian. Other Asian. Aretha. Shaft." - Sue
We've grown to expect this kind of insensitivity from Sue, but it still catches me off guard. I guess I would like to think that no one would be this insensitive. Yet I laughed. Maybe it's because it reminded me of a personal incident when a professor asked the class to discuss what we liked best about being white. He turned to me and seeing my confused expression said, "Or fill-in-the-blank. There's only two of you." He didn't even say Asian. Or other Asian. Fill-in-the-blank. Oh man, was I angry. After a while, though, I was able to see the comment for the ridiculousness and awkwardness that it was.

"I'm all about empowerment. I empower my Cheerios to live in a state of constant fear by creating an environment of irrational random terror." - Sue
Sue is the kind of person who does not use her power for good. She's also the kind of person who doesn't understand empowerment. The root of empowerment is overpowering fear, stirring up within you the strength to achieve. Empowerment is not about instilling more fear.

"You can't stand to see a woman in a position of power. Your psychosexual derangement would be fascinating if it weren't so terrifying!" - Sue
Will doesn't have a problem with women in positions of power. If he did, I don't think he would try so hard to get all of his students, male and female, to succeed in school. No, his problem is that almost all of the women in his life are emasculating him. Do I think that being a man means having dominance over women? No, not entirely. But it is his inability to defend himself, to go from being abused by Sue at school to being abused at home by Terri ("I just don't want to feel as powerless in my home as I do at school."), that threatens his manhood.

"Here's the deal Wu. My husband does the taxes for some very powerful mid-sized law firms in this town, and I'm sure somebody will be more than happy to take on my lawsuit." - Kendra
Because there's nothing more powerful than a mid-sized law firm. In a small town. With two OB/GYNs. Who are both Asian?

Finn: If we wanted to hear Mom and Dad fight, those of us who still have two parents would just stay at home on pay day.
Mercedes: I agree. Glee is supposed to be fun. And furthermore, I don't like this minority business. I may be a strong, proud, Black woman, but I'm a lot more than that.
1. Loved Finn's line and the perspective he offers.
2. I'm really glad that Mercedes acknowledges that her identity goes beyond race. I think race and ethnicity are important parts of one's identity, but sometimes people fail to see anything else in themselves. I have encountered people who are so centered around their racial identity that they have developed a negative attitude toward the world, because in their eyes everyone is probably "ignorant" or "racist". They have probably spent so much time self-segregating that they fail to see the common ground that we all share.

Glee Episode #6: Vitamin D

Word of the Day: Competition. It happens when two parties want the same thing, and sharing is not an option. One trophy. One job. One man. Sometimes competition is real, and sometimes it is only perceived.

Will: Competition. Every one of these people or elements was a champion in their own right. But they use competing with each other to make themselves even better.
Kurt: I don't understand how lightning is in competition with an above-ground swimming pool.
Those who have a good understanding of competition are the ones who become better. They realize that the focus is on becoming better than they were before. Those who are overcome by competition only focus on being better than others. As for the lightning, I'm pretty sure it always trumps swimming pool. Every other time, the pool's just lucky.

"A mashup is when you take two songs and mash them together to make an even richer explosion of musical expression." - Will
A mashup is a good metaphor for the positive spirit of competition. Two songs come together but do not destroy the other in order to emerge as the dominant sound. Rather, what results is something beautiful and each song is better than before. For some good mashups, check out Norwegian Recycling on YouTube.

"Every time I try to destroy that clutch of scab-eating mouth breathers, it only comes back stronger like some sexually ambiguous horror movie villain." - Sue
Sue is one of those people who doesn't understand the spirit of healthy competition. She finds success by destroying others rather than bettering herself. Glee on the other hand, come back stronger because Sue's attacks don't expose weaknesses but rather give them opportunities for improvement.

"Don't bend or break, baby, don't back down." - Bon Jovi
Persistance wins competitions. I knew Bon Jovi was wise.

Rachel: I know everyone expects us to be enemies and be in competition, but I don't hate you.
Quinn: Why not? I've been awful to you.
Rachel: That was before you knew what it felt like to be me. An outsider.
Competition isn't always real. I think that's when it can be the most damaging, because you are unnecessarily focused on an imaginary prize. You take others down, even if they are not standing in your way. I've found myself in competition with others, though they were unaware of it. I lost a friendship because I saw my friend as an enemy instead. It wasn't until I realized we were on the same side that we became friends again. (Truth is, there was an unexpected third party. My friend and I rekindled our relationship when we realized we both lost, and we understood what it was like to be the other person.)

"I know you have this thing about being clean. Now I can't promise to pick up my underwear or squeegee the shower door, but I can promise to keep you life clean of sadness and loneliness and any other dark clouds that might float into it." - Ken
This doesn't have anything to do with the theme of competition, but I gotta say, who can compete with this speech?! Ken is probably one of the more sensible adults on the show, as much as I may hate to admit that. And though I'm a female, I think I am most similar to Ken out of all the characters.

"You might think there's some kind of competition going on between you and I, but that's like saying a nail is competing with a hammer." - Terri
I've been on the receiving end of this statement before, though at the time, I was also the one saying the words. During my imaginary competition, I always saw myself as the nail and my friend as the hammer. I wanted to win so badly but kept telling myself that I never had a chance. Sure, the nail could put up a good fight, but there was no way the nail could beat the hammer. I realize now that I was my own hammer and could never win against my negative thinking.

I guess I get caught up in the competitive hysteria too. My goals are too selfish. It's time for me to stop competing against everyone and start competing alongside them.
It's like a mashup. Instead of trying to destroy others, how can you work with them to create something even better?

Glee Episode #5: The Rhodes Not Taken

Word of the Day: Why. It is probably the most important question we can ask of ourselves. Honest answers to the question "Why?" give us a better glimpse of who a person is and who we are. "Why" shows us what motivates a person or what is considered important. The answer doesn't always come right away - if we want the real answer. That's probably why it takes a whole episode for the characters to understand their reasons why.

"We have obligations as teachers to give kids opportunities for growth and enrichment." - Emma
If only all teachers acknowledged this obligation as their reason for teaching. There are too many teachers who focus on the salary (however much or little) over the students. The best teachers out there are the ones who make you better people, not better test takers. They're the ones who teach you about life and academics, and help you to realize your full potential.

"If Glee's gonna win, I need to give her a second chance. She is a talented performer, and I really think that the kids are going to learn a lot of valuable technique from her." - Will
Will has a couple reasons for keeping April around, both seemingly focused on his students. His first reason is to help April and allow her to achieve what she was 3 credits short from achieving. His second reason is to help his current students become better singers and performers. At the root of it all, though, is Will's desire for Glee to win and reclaim his glory days.

"You need to think about why you're doing this and what you're willing to sacrifice to get it." - Emma
Not only should you think about what you're willing to sacrifice, but you should also consider whether "this" is even worth the sacrifice. And is the "why" worth the sacrifice, too? Is the businessman willing to sacrifice family time to get the promotion just because he wants prestige at work? Am I willing to sacrifice a couple homework-less years of my life to get my Master's degree in order to pursue my desire to work with college students? Is Will willing to sacrifice the integrity and innocence of his students in exchange for April Rhodes just so Glee can succeed?

"I just know that I want to spend more time with you now." - Finn
Goodness, who knows how many times this has been my reason why...

Kurt: Maybe Quinn is lactose intolerant.
Artie: That doesn't explain all the crying.
Tina: Maybe she just doesn't like the group.
No amount of speculation about the "why" behind Quinn's recent behavior can replace Quinn's personal obligation to face the truth.

"I need to get a music scholarship so I can go to college, so I can get a good job, so I can take care of my kid. And I can't do that if you don't come back to glee club." - Finn
I remember the idea of college driving my decisions, even down to the courses I studied in junior high. I needed to take the right classes so I could get into a good school, so I could get a good job. But that's all. Finn's motivation is much weightier and goes beyond just having a good job. He wants a good life, something that college can provide.

"I realized being a star didn't make me feel as special as being your friend. If I let you down when you needed me the most, I'd never forgive myself." - Rachel
Rachel said in the pilot episode that "being a part of something special makes you special". She thought that "something special" was glee club, but now she realizes it's the friendship she has with the glee kids. The relationships we form are often the strongest reasons why we do anything.

Living a Life of Passion

"...the only life worth living is one that you're really passionate about." - Glee

I've been thinking about this quote for quite some time as I contemplated career paths and debated between job offers. And through this thinking I have focused on one main question: what is my passion? Though I pursued a degree in graphic design, which is enjoyable work for me, I am hesitant to say that is my passion. Those who are passionate about art spend their free time making art, something I am not known to do. I think my passion is people. When relationships are integral parts of my responsibilities, I take great joy in my work. I would like to find myself back in Residence Life somewhere, where the job is about people.

One of the job offers I was considering was at an organization passionate about relieving poverty in Central PA. I would have loved to take that job and develop a personal passion for poverty relief. The people I met at the office were great, and it would have been a wonderful experience doing my year of service there. The second job offer is at a company where I would do more commercial work. However, the position granted the flexibility to return to Boston in the summer to do Residence Life. In the end, I accepted the second job. The decision wasn't about which job I was more passionate about, but what job would allow me to do what I was truly passionate about, which is Residence Life.

A few days ago, I drew up a flow chart to figure out my options for the future (I'm a visually oriented fan of organization and planning). Right now I am preparing to start my 6-month to 1-year job/internship on October 19th. At the end of the internship, I have to decide if I like the company enough to stay there permanently, if the position is offered. Yes, I stay. No, I go to grad school for counseling/higher education/student affairs and work toward becoming a Residence Director. As you can see on the chart (click to enlarge the picture), I am now at Job A. One path will lead me to a career in graphic design. All the other paths lead me to grad school. Time will tell where I end up. I just have to focus on the immediate future and living a life that I am passionate about.

Glee Episode #4: Preggers

Word of the Day (not so much a recurring word, but a theme): Honesty. In this episode, the characters don't talk about honesty, but instead demonstrate how difficult it is. Though lying and deceit seem so much easier, they only complicate matters in the long run. Honesty will win eventually, and some of the characters realize how much better life is when lived honestly.

Kendra: What do you think he's going to do when he finds out you lied?
Terri: Oh God, I don't know. I've got to tell him the truth. I've got to tell him and I've got to deal with the consequences.
Kendra: Are you insane? Dishonesty is food to a marriage. It will die without it.
It gives me hope that Terri has some sense of morality. She recognizes that the right thing to do is be honest with her husband, though there are consequences for her lies and she may run the risk of losing him. I lose a bit of hope in Terri (and humanity) to see people like her sister Kendra, who think that dishonesty can do anything positive for a marriage, let alone sustain it. Dishonesty is what kills marriages and relationships (though Kendra probably uses it to trick her husband into staying married). Successful relationships, whether a marriage or a friendship, have a foundation of honesty. I can say from experience that the vulnerability required to be honest with someone is very difficult, but it allowed me (and the relationship) to emerge from that moment stronger than before.

Kurt: Finn, I needed to ask you something.
Finn: Thanks, but I already have a date to the prom. But I'm flattered. I know how important dances are to teen gays.
Kurt: I'm not gay.
Finn: Oh.
The ability to be honest is based on trust. You have to trust the other person not to hurt you in that moment of vulnerability. Glee has allowed Kurt and Finn to develop trust in one another, but the social mechanics of high school carry an inherent distrust between classes. Kurt has yet to build enough trust in Finn to be honest about his sexuality, though after this episode that might change.

Sandy: It is so wonderful to finally have some Sandy time. I have my bridge game on Fridays, Saturdays I am fully committed to the local cat rescue...
Sue: Sandy, let's cut the crap.
Sandy: *sobs* I'm living in a cocoon of horror. Yesterday, I ate nine cans of aerosol whipped cream.
It can be hard to admit the truth, especially if it is somewhat shameful. But being honest with yourself is the key to moving forward. Others cannot help or comfort you until you can be honest with yourself.

"I hear this poor girl is so ashamed that she can't tell anybody. Can you imagine having to hide something like that? All that effort covering that up?" - Will
It takes more muscles to frown than to smile. In the same way, it takes more work to maintain a lie than to confess the truth. When will Will realize how much effort Terri is putting into covering up her own mess?

"I'm just somebody who wants to help." - Terri
Half-hearted promises of benevolence can be some of the most damaging lies, because they lead people to develop trust in those they shouldn't trust. These are the kind of lies that lure children into shady vans and trap people in toxic relationships.

Kurt: I have something that I want to say. I'm glad that you're proud of me, but I don't want to lie anymore. Being a part of the glee club and football has really showed me that I can be anything, and what I am is... I'm gay.
Kurt's Dad: I know.
Kurt: Really?
KD: I've known since you were three. All you wanted for your birthday was a pair of sensible heels. I guess I'm not totally in love with the idea, but if that's who you are, there's nothing I can do about it. And I love you just as much. Thanks for telling me, Kurt. You're sure, right?
Kurt: Yeah, Dad. I'm sure.
KD: Just checking.
When a child is different from the parents' hopes or expectations, it can be hard for the parents to accept their child's decision. Not all parents are so accepting as Kurt's dad, whether the matter at hand is careers or sexuality. It was so heartwarming to watch the conversation between Kurt and his dad, to see the unconditional love the father had for his son. My favorite part of the conversation was when Kurt's dad thanked him for coming out to him, because his sexuality wasn't really a secret. The conversation was more so a demonstration of Kurt's trust in his own father.

"To them I say, shake it up a bit. Get out of your box! Even if that box happens to be where you are living... It's not easy to break out of your comfort zone. People will tear you down, tell you you shouldn't have bothered in the first place, but let me tell you something. There's not much difference between a stadium of cheering fans and an angry crowd screaming abuse at you. They're both just making a lot of noise. How you take it is up to you. Convince yourself they're cheering for you. You do that, and someday they will." - Sue
This doesn't have anything to do with honesty... Normally, everything Sue says is offensive to some people group and can be ignored, but I understand what she says here. Perspective has a way of changing the negative to positive. And Sue Sylvester quotes can be more meaningful when you omit the bit about how homeless people should try not being homeless for a change.

Glee Episode #3: Acafellas

Words of the day: Guts and confidence. Some people lack one or the other, and the lucky ones are blessed with both. At times, a boost in confidence gives you the guts to do what you never thought you could. At other times, it takes guts to show just how confident you can be.

"Being a man is all about one thing: guts." - Will's dad
Perhaps guts really is what separates the boys from the men. When I say "guts", I don't mean jumping off a bridge, even if you might break some bones (or worse). A boy will do whatever people say without fear of consequences, but that is not "guts." That's idiocy. "Guts," according to the dictionary, is having courage when it really matters. A man will act in spite of what others may say or the personal consequences he faces, because he wants to follow his heart or do something that matters. Of course, "guts" is not gender exclusive; for girls, though, I'd venture to say the bridge is probably more metaphorical.

"They say it takes more certainty than talent to be a star. I mean, look at John Stamos." - Emma
Don't knock John Stamos (Uncle Jesse forever!), but Emma has a point. Talentless celebrities like Paris Hilton or Heidi Montag (or any other reality TV star transitioning into acting or music) demonstrate how it doesn't take talent these days to be famous. But if they're certain in themselves enough to get out there, I guess there's no stopping them. Talent will get them further than the limited success that these "stars" experience.

"He knows who he is, and that's great. And there really is nothing sexier in a man than confidence." - Emma
It's true. Guys who are comfortable in their own skin seem more attractive, even if they are not the most physically appealing. It's like how a salesperson is more effective if they are confident in their product - why would anyone else want to buy it if the salesperson doesn't even believe in it?

"Two weeks ago, I would have agreed that four grown men rehearsing a capella hip-hop in my living room was embarrassing. But busting out some white hot new jack swing - I'll tell you, I've never felt more confident." - Will

"Seeing me feel so good about myself made my wife more attracted to me in every way." - Will

"Of course he doesn't want anything to do with us after you kicked him in the nads... He just doesn't have the confidence to coach us anymore. Guys are really sensitive when it comes to this kind of stuff." - Finn
I tend to forget that guys can be sensitive. Being sensitive isn't a stereotypically "manly" quality, but I suppose if there's anything for a guy to be sensitive about, it would be his manliness. Many guys try to put up a facade of strength, and any suggestion of weakness would be enough to strip away their confidence.

"Is this one of those chick things where you're pissed about one thing but you're just pretending like you're pissed about something else?" - Finn
While this has nothing to do with confidence, I just wanted to point out the insight Finn has, despite his dumb jock image. Not everyone realizes that girls do this, but maybe he has seen Quinn or his mom do this enough that he has caught on to our ways.

"I have enough confidence to say out loud that what happened between us in the auditorium was real. You have feelings for me and you just don't have the guts to admit it." - Rachel
The bullying that Rachel faces at school would be enough to kill the confidence of any high school student, but this girl is so sure of herself (sometimes bordering on unknowingly arrogant) that she can maintain her confidence in the face of social hierarchy. Finn is not comfortable enough in his own skin to defy high school social conventions by facing the truth. I have yet to be as confident as Rachel. Only within the past couple years have I been able to talk to and make friends with the "popular" kids - and it's usually because they are so confident in themselves they don't realize the social divide when they start talking to me.

"Am I hurting your feelings? Did I say something wrong? Because I thought you wanted somebody who respected you enough to tell you the truth. But maybe you don't have the confidence to hear it. Maybe you need somebody who's going to lie to you and tell you things like, 'You've got what it takes.'" - Dakota Stanley, champion choreographer
In a way, Dakota is right. I would rather have someone respect me enough to tell me the truth instead of feeding me lies. And it does take a bit of confidence in yourself not to take remarks too personally. When someone critiques my art work, I have to remember that they are not necessarily criticizing me. The lines become blurry with the art form of dance, where the artist is the art. However, there's a difference between constructive criticism and insult. If I only heard insults, which are damaging to the individual, I would never develop enough confidence to handle the criticism.

"It's never too late to grow a pair and go after your dreams." - Will's dad
What dreams do you want to go after? Mine may have something to do with the pair of pointe shoes sitting underneath my bed.

Mercedes: You shouldn't be ashamed of who you are, Kurt... The whole point of the club is about expressing what's really inside you, remember?
Kurt: I can't. I'm just not that confident, I guess.
Expressing what's inside of you takes a lot of guts, because you risk the rejection of your true self. It's just fascinating (and not uncommon) how someone like Kurt, who seems so confident on the outside, can be so insecure on the inside.

"When you really believe in yourself, you don't have to bring other people down." - Quinn
Whether or not she would like to admit it, Sue Sylvester doubts her ability to outdo the glee club and tries to take them down in order to secure her superiority. It's like what we've always learned - bullies are just insecure and need to put everyone down in order to feel better about themselves. Those who believe in themselves see no need for comparison, no need to be superior. Kurt, held captive by social hierarchy, copes with his insecurity by telling himself he is superior to everyone else, when in reality (according to Finn) everyone is a loser.

*Last week's post was rather lengthy, so from here on out I plan on only including meaningful quotes or ones that relate to the episode theme (word of the day).

Seeking the Gray

When I take personality tests, I sit stumped. Everything I know about myself suddenly becomes gray, and I realize I would prefer to be black and white. As much as I would hate to be put into a box in any other situation, I answer each question wishing I could just fit neatly into one category or the other. I remember taking one particular test and getting the same results for all four possible outcomes. Others weighed heavily in one category or another while I floated smack dab in the middle of the spectrum. I wondered in frustration if I had answered the questions wrong somehow. Why am I so... undefinable? Do I have this multi-faceted personality because I become whatever people want me to be? Or am I really just the type who is a bit of everything and dwells in that fuzzy middle ground? The gray area.

All of this is to say, I don't know how I feel about change. When personality tests ask questions about change, I really don't know how to answer. I handle change well and like the way it breaks up boredom and monotony - but I am also a big fan of routine and organization. I am not afraid to get a drastic haircut (every two years over Christmas break at Hair Cuttery). I can purge piles of unworn clothes from my wardrobe (before arranging what's left by color and order of most recent use, and placing my socks in the second drawer as always).

I am excited about possibly starting a new job and moving into a place of my own in a few weeks. At the same time, my parents' casual comments about selling the house and moving to Florida in a few years leave me slightly unnerved. (Don't get me wrong. My parents' move to Florida will be a great thing, but having it as a common topic of conversation catches me off guard at times.) There is some kind of comfort in the constant - the two years between haircuts, the sock drawer, my parent's house. It is the safety net that allows me to leap after change into the unknown. A world without constant contains nothing but change and feels dangerous. A world without change feels boring and monotonous. I need the constant in order to embrace change, and I need change to appreciate the constant. I need both, because I dwell in the gray.

NINE

So yesterday was 9/9/09 - a supposedly lucky day because of the triple 9's. And it was the 252nd day of the year, and 2 + 5 + 2 = 9. It was a pretty good day, I must say. In honor of the special occasion, here are 9 good things that happened during the day.

1. I got my hair cut. I've been contemplating bangs for about a week now, and finally did it! AND I didn't hate it. I have to start wearing my contacts more often, because my glasses look silly with bangs now.
2. I discovered MyLifeIsAverage.com and have spent many happy hours since then. It's kind of like FML, but positive. And it makes me laugh, which makes me feel good. There are a lot of nods to ninjas, Batman, and Harry Potter. Now I want a vintage Batman t-shirt. Here are some good MLIAs:

• Today, I drank Kool-Aid. A giant pitcher of juice did not break into my home. MLIA.
• Today, I filled a Windex bottle with blue Gatorade. I then sprayed it into my mouth infront of my mother. She began to panic and scream and get hysterical. I thought it was funny. She didn't. MLIA
• Today, I was thinking about the expression 'revenge is a dish best served cold'. Then I considered that 'revenge is sweet'. I've come to the conclusion that revenge is ice cream. MLIA
• Today I had rice. I'm Asian. MLIA

3. I had macaroni and cheese for dinner. I've been craving it for a while and finally went to the store and bought two boxes.
4. Outside of the grocery store, two guys from a karate school offered me a free week of cardio kick-boxing. I turned them down, but secretly wished they had offered me karate lessons or had mentioned ninjas.
5. I got a call from my alma mater, where I applied to be a receptionist at College Press. They wanted to set up a phone interview, which I had today. I found out that the job goes from Mid-August to May, and pays over $10 an hour, which sounds perfect for me.
6. I got to watch the premiere of So You Think You Can Dance - Season 6! The season is off to a great start, and I'm glad they are showing more spectacular dancers than duds. Ryan Kasprzak auditioned last season with his brother Evan, but was cut from the Top 20 while Evan made the Top 4. Hopefully after his audition last night, it'll be his turn to be one of America's favorite dancers.

7. GLEE. I have been waiting for this day all summer long, since they first aired the Pilot episode. I enjoy swooning over singing boys too much. Thankfully Cory Monteith is not really in high school, but rather a 27-year-old, so it's okay to swoon. "This dance ain't for errbody. Only the sexy people."
8. I found a voice mail on my cell phone after Glee was over, from my friend/old boss. She had just finished watching Glee and was trying to tell me in between laughing spurts the lines she thought was funniest. I saved it to my phone, because it was that great.
9. I slept in a bed. Each week in church, we share things we are grateful for, and when no one has anything to share, my pastor reminds us we have a bed. We can be thankful for that.

Glee Episode #2: Showmance

Word of the day: Compromise. This episode, everyone wants it. Others don't really understand what it means.

Finn: Let me help you with that.
Rachel: Thanks Finn. You're so chivalrous.
Finn: Thanks! That's a good thing, right?
Yes, Finn is rather chivalrous. I was really impressed that he would help Rachel in public, because that could definitely damage his reputation. I guess he is starting to settle into his own without fear of what others think, but it is still a challenge for him.

"One day, you will all work for me." - Kurt Hummel
It looks like Kurt is beginning to stand up for himself, and maybe one day he won't end up inside the dumpster.

Quinn: Let's compromise. If you quit the club, I'll let you touch my breast.
Finn: Under the shirt?
Quinn: Over the bra.
Finn: No, no. I can't. I want to do Glee. I'm really happy when I perform.
Congrats to Finn for choosing Glee over some booty. Also, it wasn't until now that I realized the couple is "Finn & Quinn" - and it just sounds ridiculous. Couple's names shouldn't rhyme.

"You try to bust my face again, and I will cut you." - Mercedes
I can only think of Bon Qui Qui when I hear that phrase. And that automatically makes it awesome.

"You are not giving up your craft room, Terri. A mother needs her respite. That craft room is the only thing that is going to keep you from going all Susan Smith on that little angel. Post partum runs in our family." - Kendra
I can't decide who is worse - Terri or Kendra? It looks like being plain crazy runs in their family too.

Kendra: Where are you going?
Kendra's Husband: Bathroom? All that bran.
Kendra: No, you can't. Kyle needs his inhaler.
Whipped. Let's hope that Will is better at growing a backbone. At least Will's character has a name and the guts to expose his wife's Christmas Closet.

"This banister was made by Ecuadorian children." - Real Estate Agent
Is that the big selling point these days? Nothing says luxury like child labor.

"My very own Sophie's Choice. Fine, I'm going to give up the sun nook for the grand foyer. But I really need the polished door handles." - Terri
Great analogy, Terri. Having to choose which pointless luxury to give up is just like making a life or death decision in a Nazi concentration camp. At least she is getting a taste of compromise - a house with no sun nook, but a grand foyer.

"Communication is the foundation of any successful music group. If we're going to succeed, we need to communicate." - Will
Communication is key to any relationship, musical or not. Will's marriage could use some honest communication.

Emma: Rachel, did you just throw up?
Rachel: No.
Emma: You missed the toilet.
Rachel: The girl who was throwing up before me left that. I tried, but I guess I just don't have a gag reflex.
Emma: One day when you're older that will turn out to be a gift. Let's have a little chat, okay?
I didn't get this until the second time I watched it. Oh my, Emma.

"Have you ever liked somebody so much you just want to lock yourself in your room, turn on sad music and cry?" - Rachel
I prefer my car, and listening to Marie Digby's "Better Off Alone".

"You need to remember, Rachel, to protect your heart. I don't care who he is, if he doesn't like you for the way you are, if he's married with a baby on the way. That's not worth the heartache. You don't want to compromise yourself for that... um..." - Emma
"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." - Proverbs 4:23

"Santana Lopez bent over in hers one day, and I swear I could see her ovaries." - Puck
Does Puck know what ovaries are, or did he have to look them up?

"This dance ain't for errbody. Only the sexy people." - Artie, during the performance of "Push It"
I laughed out loud when he said this. Maybe it's something about a nerdy white guy with glasses saying "errbody".

"That was the most offensive thing I've seen in 20 years of teaching. And that includes an elementary school production of Hair." - Sue
How an elementary school was able to do a musical about the sexual revolution, I do not know. My elementary school was only able to do the first act of "Into the Woods" because Act II was a bit off limits.

"My first thought was that your students should be put into foster care." - Sue

"I'm a good man, Emma. I'll treat you right, put up with your crazy. They can't fire me because I'm a minority, so I'll always be able to provide for you. You can't do much worse." - Ken Tanaka
Ken Tanaka is growing on me. He's not the skeezeball he was in the first episode, and I think he really likes Emma. I hope she has a good time at Tulipalooza.

Finn: I looked under the bed to make sure you weren't hanging out under there. But then I heard you sing. I don't know how to say this, but it touched something in me. Right here.
Rachel: Your heart is on the other side of your chest.
Finn: It's beating really hard.
So. Cute. Cue the swooning of women everywhere.

"It's not all about you, or, I realized, about me." - Will
I just hope Will realizes it can be about him sometimes, and doesn't let Terri have her way all the time.

From the Top

It's tough to choose, but I think the premiere I anticipate the most this fall is Glee. Especially after FOX aired the Director's cut of the pilot episode on Wednesday, I am excited to see what else Ryan Murphy and the other creative geniuses behind the show have in store for us. The music is fantastic, and the characters are entertaining. The script is so funny and witty that I couldn't help but online battle with my friend while watching the show - who would be the first to IM the upcoming line? Recently I posted a quote from the Pilot as my facebook status and generated response from other Glee fans who readily recognized the quote. This has given me some inspiration for a weekly blog feature where I will post some of my favorite quotes from the episode along with some commentary. This will most likely appear each Thursday, though I can't make any promises!

Here's post #1: "Pilot"

"You think this is hard?
- Try being waterboarded. That's hard. (The very first line of the entire series!)
- I'm living with hepatitis. That's hard.
Sue Sylvester, coach of the Cheerios cheerleading squad, sure knows how to motivate her "performers." I'm pretty sure this will be a recurring element of the series, and I'm definitely okay with that. I can't wait to see what unconventional bits of inspiration Sue will share next. I'm thinking positive reinforcement is not really her style.

Kurt: [As the football team prepares to throw him into the dumpster] Wait, this is Marc Jacobs' new collection.
Finn: Wait. [Kurt takes off his Marc Jacobs jacket and hands it to Finn] Okay. [Kurt meets the inside of the dumpster as Finn drops his gaze, a bit ashamed]
Oh, the first glimpse of Finn's struggling high school persona. Will he be the good guy who defends the underdog? Or will he go along with the bullying antics of his fellow football players because that's what everyone expects of him? I suppose both - or neither - depending on how you classify the middle ground of compromise.

"By its very definition, Glee is about opening yourself up to joy" - Lillian Adler, former director of the Glee Club at William McKinley High School
Glee, the show, is also about opening yourself up to joy, I think. There is something very heartwarming about watching the underdog find victory, and that seems to be the very essence of the show. It's not so much about the music as it is about this group of social outcasts trying to find their place. I also like this quote, because glee or joy doesn't just happen. We cannot experience even the most inherent happiness without allowing ourselves to be receptive to it.

"Your resentment... is delicious. Well, I have a phoner in a couple minutes. It's an interview - on the telephone with a major media outlet. I'll probably do it on my iPhone." - Sue Sylvester
This quote just embodies Sue's superiority complex. Not only does she think the Cheerios are better than any other group on campus because of their success and high standings in teenage social hierarchy, she also finds herself personally superior to her colleagues. I think we all know at least one person like that who is a chronic "one up"-er.

"My gold stars are a metaphor for me - being a star." - Rachel Berry
Rachel is quite the focused young woman, with definite goals and dreams, and the talent to achieve what she wants. But such focus comes at a price, leaving her painfully naive and socially inept - and apparently unable to construct a strong metaphor.

"But Will, I'm on my feet four hours a day, three times a week here." - Terri Schuester
Terri, the wife you just love to hate. This scene at Sheets and Things only begins to show us the kind of selfishness Will has to put up with/ignore in his marriage to Terri. It's the kind of selfishness that makes me wonder if Terri is really pregnant, or if it's one gigantic lie to keep Will on a short leash.

Sue: High school is a caste system. Kids fall into certain slots. Your jocks, your popular kids - up in the penthouse. The invisibles and the kids playing live-action druids and trolls out in the forest, bottom floor.
Will: And where do the Glee kids lie?
Sue: Sub-basement.
High school is definitely a caste system. There is, without a doubt, a social ladder to climb. I've always been the kind of person who hung out in the middle, not particularly finding favor with the popular kids but not facing their cruelty either. I probably thought I was fortunate to be above "sub-basement", but never treated them poorly because I was only a floor away from playing live-action druids.

"I have trouble with things like that. The messy things." - Emma
She's a germophobe who struggles with "the messy things." Yet what can be messier than unrequited love for a married co-worker who is about to become a father?

"Dr. Phil said that people can change. You know, it's not a bad thing to want a real life, Will. And to have a glue gun that works!" - Terri
Of course Dr. Phil wasn't speaking to her... Her materialism is almost painful.

"I like somebody else, alright? Nothing I can do about it because they're unavailable, so I have to deal with that..." - Emma
Who hasn't been there? Hopefully "dealing with it" means getting over him and not becoming a home-wrecker.

"Wait. Let's pray." - Quinn Fabray, girlfriend of Finn and president of the celibacy club, taking a break from making out with Finn
Whenever there's a Christian character on TV, I'm not sure how to feel about it. Sometimes they're super naive like Grace Bowman from Secret Life of the American Teenager. If not, they're a hypocrite like Quinn, who hosts "Christ Crusader" meetings at her house one minute and makes life miserable for Rachel the next. I haven't decided which stereotype is more frustrating, but I know characters like Quinn make it necessary for Christians to live lives of love and compassion.

"Being an adult is about having to make difficult choices." - Will
I think I will be feeling more like an adult soon...

"I'll miss you." - Will, to Emma
The completely wrong thing for a man to say to the single woman who is desperately in love with him...

"We're all losers... I'm not afraid of being called a loser, because I can accept that's what I am. But I am afraid of turning my back on something that actually made me happy for the first time in my sorry life." - Finn
I wish high school was full of people like Finn. It would make the world a better place. He's the guy you love to love, and the guy you don't mind being popular, because he's not only nice to look at but he's beautiful on the inside too.

"But provide what exactly? The understanding that money is the most important thing - or the idea that the only life worth living is one that you're really passionate about, Will?" - Emma
Wow. One of the best lines of the episode, in my opinion. It really got me thinking about the job options I have, and what my choice says about me. What would I find in a life I'm really passionate about?

"You might think that all the boys at school would totally want to tap this, but my Myspace schedule keeps me way too busy to date." - Rachel
"There is nothing ironic about show choir." - Rachel
"I want the agony out of your eyes!" - Sue
"Chicks don't have prostates. I looked it up." - Puck
These are just classic.

Check out my blog on Thursday for quotes from episode 2, "Showmance".

Welcome to the Real World

Tomorrow morning I have my first "real world" job interview. Until now, I've only had phone interviews or rejection emails (for post-grad jobs, that is). Now I have a full-day interview, beginning at 8:30 am with a loan committee meeting. I read through the 54 pages of loan information that we'll be going over at the meeting, though I'm not sure I understand all of it. But I've still been told I should go over the document and be able to point out the pros and cons of each loan. I never expected anything like this when I started applying for graphic design jobs. Who knew I would have to know about loans AND typography? I'm not sure what to expect at all out of tomorrow. After 7 meetings throughout the day, including one with the President/CEO, I have to do a presentation of a project that they are giving me 45 minutes to work on. And I'll be wearing heels all day. Now what will Friday's interview have in store, considering it's only an hour long?

The Beauty of Relationships

For someone who enjoys relationships so much and draws energy from being with other people, I haven't had the best track record with maintaining friendships. My elementary school friends didn't carry over to middle school, middle school friends didn't carry over to high school, and my high school friendships exist only on facebook. When I got to college, I decided that this pattern of dropping friends in times of transition needed to end. After all, college was suppose to be the time when you make the friendships that were supposed to last. Now that my friends are scattered around the country, I'm realizing how much effort is required to maintain the relationship. It requires communication (thank goodness for facebook and AIM) and interest.

But the beauty of the relationships that are worth the effort is that sometimes it's almost effortless. I have this one friend who was probably the first friend I made in college, but after graduation we didn't really talk to each other for about 2 to 3 months. When she got engaged, we talked to each other on the phone and the conversation was like not a moment had passed. This weekend, I get to be around campus because of a job interview in town. I have the opportunity to get together with friends while I'm in town, and I have a feeling that it won't feel like I'm visiting. These friends will make me feel like I'm just hanging out with friends - 2 hours from home.

Fall TV Lineup

As much as I may have ridiculed FOX in the past for their string of poor programming (Temptation Island or Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire, anyone?), I'm excited for the shows they have to offer this fall. I checked out the TV lineup - basic channels only since I don't have cable - and I've set up my list of shows to watch this fall. FOX is in the lead with 7 hours of programming per week that I plan to watch. Sadly, ABC is last with one hour of programming, even though they used to be the dominant network in my household.

Monday:
8pm - House (FOX) - Hugh Laurie is back as Dr. Gregory House for Season 6 of this unconventional medical drama (or maybe a comedy?). I didn't watch much of Season 5, but I am excited to see how House continues his brilliant work as a diagnostician within the walls of Mayfield Psychiatric Hospital - where he is now a patient. FOX is building anticipation for the September 21 season premiere with their mysterious "Snakes on a Cane" ads. SnakesonaCane.com posts a countdown to the show's premiere, along with a sticky-note that, as of today, says, "I was deluded into thinking I might be crazy." Interesting...


9pm - Lie to Me (FOX) - This show first aired this summer, and quickly caught my interest. It's a drama (riddled with wry humor) about a consultation firm that interprets microexpressions and body language to aid investigations - they are basically human lie detectors. It co-stars Kelli Williams, who I first saw in NBC's Medical Investigation, a show that I wish hadn't been canceled. Drama and real-life science come together in a fascinating TV show.


10pm - Castle (ABC) - Another comedy-drama that premiered this summer, Castle follows a murder mystery novelist who shadows the NYPD to get ideas for his new book and usually ends up helping them solve the case. The show features Nathan Fillion of Firefly and One Life to Live fame as the title character. On top of the murder mystery, the show features some romantic tension between Castle and Detective Kate Beckett, his main contact at the NYPD.


Tuesday:
8pm - So You Think You Can Dance (FOX) - For the first time, the hit summer series airs in the fall for its 6th season. Featuring Emmy-winning choreographers, the reality competition show puts dancers through an audition process before pairing the Top 20 dancers together to perform for America. The winner, based on viewers' votes and judges input, is crowned America's Favorite Dancer and receives $250,000. Usually on Wednesday and Thursday nights, the show is bumped up a night for the fall season. Performances air on Tuesdays, and results on Wednesday nights.


Sadly, SYTYCD is up against another of my favorite shows, NCIS, and its new spin-off, NCIS: Los Angeles. If dance is not your thing, check out the Naval crime investigation drama on CBS (8 and 9pm), also featuring comedic elements. Comedy-drama appears to be my favorite genre of television.


Wednesday:
8pm - SYTYCD results show! (FOX) - Find out which two dancers are eliminated, and which dancers live to dance another day.

9pm - Glee (FOX) - This show aired its pilot over the summer, after the American Idol season finale, and has been building up hype all summer long with TV commercials and mall tours. It's a musical comedy series about a high school teacher who decides to become the new advisor for the school's glee club, of which he was a member back in its glory days. We've already seen the show take on Amy Winehouse's "Rehab" and Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'", and commercials leave us anticipating "Golddigger", too.


Thursday:
8pm - Bones (FOX) - Entering its 5th season, Bones is another crime-solving comedy-drama, following FBI agent Seely Booth and forensic anthropologist Temperance "Bones" Brennan. There's murder, mystery, and of course, romantic tension between the two main characters. Another plus? David Boreanaz, who plays Booth, is the son of my local TV weatherman.


9pm - The Office (NBC) - It's back! Set to premiere its 6th hilarious season on September 17, The Office follows the employees at Dunder Mifflin paper company. This season, we're looking for some answers. Will Michael and Holly get back together? What will happen with the Dwight-Angela-Andy triangle? Is Pam really pregnant? Will Jim & Pam finally get married? Will the Dundies be held at Chili's this year?


9:30pm - Community (NBC) - A new series, Community follows a group of adults taking courses at the local community college. Among the cast is Chevy Chase and Joel McHale, though I'm looking forward to Ken Jeong as Senor Chang. Unfortunately, Community moves to 8pm in October when NBC stops airing SNL Weekend Updates.


10pm - The Mentalist (CBS) - Simon Baker stars as Patrick Jane, a consultant who uses his abilities in observation to solve crimes with the CBI (California Bureau of Investigation). Starting its second season, The Mentalist is yet another crime-solving comedy-drama that I thoroughly enjoy. The genre just doesn't get old.

Back to School Savings, Part 2

Here are some more tips that I thought of!

4. Make your own fun.
Going out every weekend, whether to the movies or bowling alley, gets expensive. Luckily there are plenty of free or inexpensive things to do for fun. Game nights are definitely popular. Maybe someone brought Apples to Apples or Scattegories from home, or the campus student center has a pool table for you to use. A pad of scrap paper can lend itself to a round of Pictionary Down the Lane for a night of laughter. Throw some snacks into the mix, and you have yourself a party. Other activities include movie nights - see what DVDs other people have, or head to your local Red Box and rent a movie for $1. Gather friends together to watch your favorite TV show each week. Get dressed up, grab a camera, and have a photo shoot with your roommates. The possibilities are endless!
Bottom line: Fun doesn't require money - just a little creativity at times.

5. Take advantage of being a college student.
The first part to this tip is the student discount. Local restaurants or stores may offer a 10% discount to college students. You may need to do some research to see what businesses have set up a discount program with your school. Of course, it doesn't hurt to ask about student discounts when you reach the register. The second part is on-campus activities. My school had free concerts every Wednesday night in the student union, and bigger events for a discounted price a few times each semester. On weekends, our lecture hall doubled as a movie theater where the admission is $1. There are also student recitals, residence hall activities, and many other school-sponsored events to fill your nights and weekends with free entertainment.
Bottom line: You can thank your school for more than just education.

Back to School Savings

or, things I wanted to say to the teenage shopper at Target.
Seeing as I am currently unemployed, I'm sure these tips will still come in handy for myself and others who are not going back to school.

She was leaving the store with her dad, a cart full of dorm room "essentials", and some charges on her parents' credit card. It was pretty obvious that she is college-bound, leaving home in the next few weeks. As I watched her walk away, I wanted to sit her down and tell her all the things she needed to know about going to college and saving some money. Her parents probably don't know any better - from the looks of her purchases, she is probably their first child going to the big school. Any parent who has already sent a child to college would have already known Tip #1:

1. Don't buy what you don't need.
This, dear teenage consumer, includes that neon green folding chair sitting in your cart. I'm not talking about cozy butterfly chairs or pod chairs, but the plastic church picnic type that usually require a bit of caution upon landing. You won't be needing that chair, but you could probably use the $9 (that is the actual cost of the chair pictured, also available in black and white). Colleges provide desk chairs, usually more comfortable and industrially sturdy, for your study time - that is, if you even use a chair while cracking the books. And folding chairs don't make for comfortable lounging. Beds, however, make for comfortable and readily available (and FREE!) seating options.
1b. A little research comes in handy when doing dorm room shopping.
Make mental (or written) notes when visiting college campuses or talk to students who have already lived in your dorm. Find out what you can leave at home, what's essential, and what comes in handy. You won't need a full-length mirror if there's already one permanently mounted to the back of the door. You won't need shelving units if there are book shelves built into the walls. AND you won't need toasters, 5-arm lamps, or candles since they are more than likely prohibited by your school. ALSO talk to your future roommate to figure out what they are bringing. Perhaps they have inherited a mini-fridge from their older brother who inherited it from a roommate who... etc., which means you won't need to buy one.
Bottom line: You don't need to buy everything on the list, or rather, everything the commercials make you think you need.

2. Make friends.
This is an obvious tip for your social life, but your wallet will also thank you for it. Remember that mini-fridge that was passed down from generation to generation? Free, thanks to some friends. That's how I scored the mini-fridge that I used for 3 years. During my first year, I lived across the hall from some juniors who were leaders on our floor. The apartment they were moving into for senior year already had a fridge, so they gave it to us for free. They got the fridge off their hands, and we got a free fridge. After I graduated, I passed the fridge on to one of my friends. I also passed along a loveseat and a rocking chair, both of which I got for free. It's amazing what people want to get rid of. I have also been able to get free clothes from friends - and strangers, too. Whether it was the changing trends or the Freshman 15, they had plenty of clothes that they didn't want anymore. Some floors set out boxes in their common areas, as a mini-Goodwill of sorts, where you can rummage through and take what you want or leave things of yours for someone else to claim.
Bottom line: One man's trash can be your treasure, though you don't have to go dumpster diving to find it.

3. Buy second-hand.
Speaking of Goodwill (or Salvation Army), buying second-hand is a great money saving tip and a fun outing for friends. The Salvation Army by my campus, or Sal Val as we lovingly call it, has half-off Wednesdays on top of the outrageous bargains you will already find there. It may take some searching, but you can find some quality items for great prices, including some vintage wear or ridiculous 80's dresses that make for some fabulous costumes. Besides the money saving, it's fun to go through the racks with friends and see what fun[ny] outfits you can put together.
Bottom line: Buying second-hand gives you first-hand savings. It's like giving your wallet and your wardrobe a high-five.

Well, it's now after midnight and apparently I'm out of ideas (for now). Stay tuned - I will update when I can think of something other than "Don't spend money".

Return to Suburbia

At several points during the summer, I contemplated the idea of living in Boston year-round. "I probably could, but I think I would miss driving too much," was usually my response. I like the experience of being on the road, especially with a good soundtrack to keep me company, or good company to entertain me with conversation. After watching Elizabethtown, I've wanted to take a solo road trip around the country to visit a combination of significant and obscure landmarks. Driving is even one of my favorite activities on facebook.

Now that I have returned to the suburbs after a month in Boston, I'm not so sure I would miss driving as much as I thought. I spent the last six weeks relying on my own two feet and MBTA, with only one round-trip drive in a car during the entire time in Boston. I liked having unlimited rides on my T pass, giving me the freedom to hop onto a subway car and ride to the studio or the harbor or the beach. To my surprise, I really enjoyed walking too. Sometimes I walked with purpose, with the grocery store or a restaurant as my destination. I think more often than that, I walked rather aimlessly, choosing a direction and going, hoping I wouldn't get caught in the rain or become too tired for the return home. It was on these walks that I stumbled upon Chinatown, a festival for AccessSportAmerica, the Cheers bar, and a graffiti-covered railway bridge over the Charles River. I'm not usually one for exercise, but I enjoyed the time outdoors over the time spent idling inside. I don't really have the opportunity to explore or walk around aimlessly in the suburbs, though one would think it should be safer. Rather, pedestrians are limited to the shoulders of bustling roadways to get them from residential developments to shopping centers. The other day, I drove from my house to Chick-Fil-A across the street, a distance I would have walked without question in Boston. It's probably as far from my house as the Kenmore Square T stop is from our dorm. It seemed senseless to me, and with that I began to think I could do without driving and live in a city long-term, provided there is a good public transit system there. So at this point, I am allowing myself to look at jobs in Philadelphia, Boston, Washington DC, and Chicago (I couldn't afford to live in NYC...) and using an exercise ball I bought after driving to the store.

The Pros and Cons of Playing House?

I'm not a big fan of debates. I always find myself at a loss for words, knowing (for the most part) where I stand on the issue but not knowing how to express myself (or defend myself). I may share a thought or two, usually lost in the escalating volume of conversation, before I shut down and sit back to watch the scene unfold. I get overwhelmed by the moment, but I appreciate the subsequent internal struggle as I try to figure out what I believe and what I could have said. And then I can blog about it.

Last night's topic: Pre-marital Cohabitation - Yay or Nay?

There are certainly arguments in favor of cohabitation. It allows the couple to spend more time together, share living expenses, test compatibility, and end the relationship without a messy divorce. Some say that the only way you can truly know your significant other is by living together. Others say that there is no financial sense in paying two rents when couples sleep over at one or the other's place. Certainly all valid arguments, I suppose.

I see myself standing more on the "nay" side of things. I hear people argue that some couples who live together are practically married, but they just don't believe in the institution of marriage. "We don't need a piece of paper to prove we love each other," they say. I say, if you are practically married, why not go ahead and make it a legal status? Married couples can file joint tax returns, act as next-of-kin in medical emergencies, and receive automatic inheritance in the absence of a will among other legal benefits, while cohabiting couples cannot. However, some couples head from cohabitation into marriage, because living together has established barriers to ending the relationship (e.g. shared mortgage, pets, furniture, and children). They marry, even if their relationship is not ready for such a commitment, because they feel trapped.

One of the big arguments against cohabitation is its effect on marriage. Research shows evidence that cohabitation before engagement is associated with lower marriage quality and higher divorce potential. Statistically, couples who lived together before getting married are more likely to divorce than couples who did not live together. Perhaps the correlation between cohabitation and marriage quality is connected to ideas and beliefs about commitment. Cohabitation may create unrealistic ideas about commitment prior to entering a marriage. Couples can easily move in together, and just as easily move out. If cohabitation qualifies as "practically married", or a "trial marriage" as it is often called, and marriage is simply a formality, how easy would it be to call it quits after they say "I do"? Does cohabitation lead couples to think more lightly of actual marriage because it is not much different from this trial period?

While cohabitation may not be much different from marriage in some cases, it seems like a poor imitation of something that is supposed to be sacred and special. Couples may not think much of marriage or realize how special it is supposed to be, because living together in a nominally different situation has lowered their expectations.

Finally, I think it is possible to really know a person without living together. It all depends on how much effort both people put into getting to know each other. What is a person trying to hide if they are a different person when you live with them? What does that say about the level of openness and honesty in the relationship? I cannot think of much you can learn about a person ONLY by living with him or her. Sure, there are the early morning and late night habits. But what does it say about how committed a person is to the relationship if the way he brushes his teeth or the way she sings in the shower is the deal breaker? You can learn just about everything by spending time in conversation with another person. And I think if you can learn so much about a person and still want to marry them, you can learn to live with them. It shouldn't be the other way around.

Resources:
The Pre-Engagement Cohabitation Effect
Qualitative Reports of Problems in Cohabiting Relationships

Only a teenage girl...

... could draw attention to insecurities I have tried to hide for years.

When I was about 10 years old, my ballet teacher noticed that my legs were structured a bit differently than everyone else. In the middle of barre work, she called the entire class over to ogle. I left that studio within a few years. At my new studio, I worked extra hard on my turnout, just so I could appear "normal" next to all the perfect ballerinas. Teenage insecurity does not disappear easily, even with age. Only in recent years have I become comfortable wearing dresses or shorts in the summer. To this day, I try to stand with my feet turned out so my leg structure is not so pronounced (and I realize that people will now be looking at how I stand).

Sometimes teenagers lack a filter and say whatever comes to their minds, but even if it is unintentional, teenage girls have a knack for finding where you are weak.

Mr. Creeper and Visiting Ladyfriend on Relationships

Ever since my staff found out that I have yet to have a first kiss, the topic has found itself as the center of conversation on multiple occasions. Fortunately a few of the girls understand my perspective and recognize that I'm just waiting for the right guy to come along. They see nothing strange about not wanting to kiss some random guy on the street corner on a Saturday night. Others, however, don't get it quite yet. One of the guys [jokingly?] considers it his obligation as a man to ensure that I have my first kiss by the end of the summer. Interactions with him have been rather awkward at times, to say the least. Other times, however, I relish the opportunity to take control of the joke (rather than be the butt of it) and tease him about his ideas of obligation and the title of "creeper" I have given him. Another person asked if I am saving my first kiss for my wedding day, perhaps a la the Duggar family of TLC's "18 Kids and Counting".

After last night's duty shift and one round of mafia at 1:30 am, conversation evolved into somewhat of an interrogation consisting of question after question about kissing and relationships, all directed at me. Have you ever had a boyfriend? Would you kiss a guy who has kissed other girls before? What if he's not a virgin? Then they started asking rather ridiculous questions specific to Mr. Creeper, who in fairness is an okay guy despite the title. Would you kiss a guy who is half-black, half-Mexican (which he isn't. Rather the question was asked by a co-worker's Visiting Ladyfriend, who apparently was misinformed)? What about someone who is wearing a green shirt, jeans, and Chucks the night that you kiss him?

Visiting Ladyfriend said my first kiss should just be a drunken mistake so I can get in some practice. Call me idealist or too traditional, but that's not what I want. Her manfriend asked if I drink, to which I said no. Visiting Ladyfriend called my sobriety my "first mistake". I accepted her comments and judgments solely for their entertainment value.

Then they proceeded to ask about my criteria for a guy I would kiss. I'm still not sure if they were asking out of curiosity or to calculate their odds of making out before the end of the summer. My mind went through my "list" - an actual written list of carefully considered qualities I'm looking for in a guy. Since I'm not planning on kissing just anybody, I suppose kissing and dating criteria are one in the same. Topping the list is strong Christian faith, no question. Cultural sensitivity is also pretty important to me, along with honesty, humor, the ability to maintain conversation, compassion, and a few other qualities.

Before the end of the night, I was called a "rarity", an "anomaly", and "straight out of the book" (referring to Boy Meets Girl by Joshua Harris, author of the ever popular I Kissed Dating Goodbye). I was presented with hypothetical (or "hypothetical" and not so subtle?) situations such as "What if you meet a guy - maybe you work with him - and you really hit it off, but he's not an 'active' Christian?" There were other questions like, "Have you ever really liked a guy and been tempted to kiss him?" (to which I say, I may be conservative and traditional, but I am human. And there's nothing inherently evil about kissing or intimacy, but rather the opposite. It's supposed to be something special, something that I don't want to share with just anyone). The whole conversation was rather amusing, though not entirely enjoyed, but thought-provoking at least. I was grateful for the distraction of impromptu waltz lessons that drew everyone's attention away from the conversation at hand. I'm inclined to think I haven't seen the end of this conversation.